Oct
15
2009

Things You Don’t Want to Hear (or Say) on a Golf Course

Posted by Double Eagle in Miscellaneous

Let’s face it – golf is a game of highs and lows.  One minute, you feel like you’re about to be awarded a green jacket and the next, you feel like Vinko Bogataj tumbling down the mountain during the intro of Wide World of Sports.  There are few places where you’ll hear more more expletives, exasperation, and angst than on the golf course.

Here are ten things that you don’t ever want to hear (or possibly say).

    Sad Golfer

  1. “Wow, your club went further than the ball.“  Might be time for new grips.  Or anger management classes.
  2. “Uh oh, that’s in the fairway on the next hole.“  The fact that the ball is in the short grass is little consolation when it comes time to perform the Walk of Shame.
  3. “Fore!“  Obviously, we hate having to shout this one, but hearing it means that someone might be saying #10 next, where you’re “that guy”.
  4. “I think I saw a splash.” I bet you never thought you could slice it that far.
  5. “You’re still away.“  Following a four foot putt with a ten foot comeback putt probably isn’t ideal for scoring.
  6. “Do you mind if we put a little something on the match?” If you hear this from a stranger, you might want to decline.  Unless you’re a Tour pro ranked in the top 125.
  7. “It’s going to be really slow out there today.“  Really? Maybe you should have told me that before taking my money.
  8. “You didn’t make it past the forward tee.  Drop ‘em.“  Maybe this just happens with the guys I play with?
  9. “Was that lightning?“  And look at you, holding a 3 1/2 foot metal rod in your hands.
  10. “Holy @&%$, I think you killed that guy!” Is your homeowners insurance up to date?

These are my top ten.  What are some of yours?

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There are currently 13 responses to “Things You Don’t Want to Hear (or Say) on a Golf Course”

  1. 1

    Crash Davis said:

    Here’s another one … “Um, I have NO idea.” When you tee off and don’t see where the ball went … and neither did anyone else in your foursome.

    Posted on October 15th, 2009 at 6:05 pm

  2. 2

    Double Eagle said:

    That’s a great one Crash. I had that happen yesterday, but I was alone. I got up to where it should have been and came across a home owner who was tending to some bushes by the OB fence and apparently, I had jacked the ball like 50 yards OB into his yard. Uncomfortable.

    Posted on October 15th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

  3. 3

    Ranji said:

    A fart on the first tee box followed by your foursome proceeding to tell you the excessive greens they had for dinner last night…I get this alot in my group.

    Posted on October 16th, 2009 at 10:11 am

  4. 4

    Joe said:

    After a shot went into a fairway bunker, leaving a difficult second: “No, nice shot. Right on the beach”.

    Posted on October 17th, 2009 at 6:33 am

  5. 5

    Dan said:

    Upon hitting your tee shot near a bunker you hear “Got your beach towel with you?”

    Posted on October 19th, 2009 at 9:33 am

  6. 6

    TP Golf Online said:

    “Did you hear they are building a new Wal-Mart?”

    You respond: “Really?! Where?”

    “In the area between my ball and your ball” After playing partner badly out drives you.

    Posted on October 20th, 2009 at 10:12 am

  7. 7

    Scott said:

    “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

    Posted on October 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 am

  8. 8

    Patrick Oden said:

    Great list! I don’t have any to add, because I either don’t play golf enough or am not clever enough. Thanks for the chuckle.

    ‘Is your homeowners insurance up to date?’ Too funny.

    Posted on October 24th, 2009 at 8:36 pm

  9. 9

    Casey Ernsting said:

    “This isn’t the mini-golf course. There aren’t holes at the bottom of those trees to hit your ball through”

    Posted on October 26th, 2009 at 3:14 pm

  10. 10

    Hole in one goals said:

    The sound of your father-in-law ruffling around for his 10th and final spare ball because you seemed to have “misplaced” his last nine!

    Posted on October 26th, 2009 at 6:15 pm

  11. 11

    Bill said:

    Hahaha, great list!

    Posted on October 28th, 2009 at 10:22 am

  12. 12

    David said:

    “That’s dead over there”

    as the ball disappears into the brush reserved for Jimmy Hoffa’s body and sitings of Sasquatch.

    Posted on October 29th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

  13. 13

    Max Rodriguez said:

    ha! classic

    Posted on November 5th, 2009 at 5:40 pm

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